Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes
Hey You! Welcome back to The Vibrant Life Podcast. I’m Emily Romrell and it’s another beautiful day. This is one of my favorite times of the year. Fall has fell, the leaves are beautiful, and another session of General Conference is happening this weekend.
For friends who aren’t familiar with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you can learn more HERE. Basically, General Conference is where our church leaders share inspirational messages to help us navigate everything happening in our lives during these crazy times. People from all backgrounds are welcome. If you have an open mind and heart, I know you’ll have a great experience. The first session airs tomorrow Oct 2, 2021, at 10:00:00 AM MDT. All sessions will be streamed live on ChurchofJesusChrist.org and will also be available on Youtube. I hope you’ll check it out.
As this conference is approaching and just with the way the world is right now. I’ve been thinking a lot about tolerance and also how easily it is for people to be offended, or for people to be offensive without knowing it. This is a sensitive topic and I hope you will keep that open mind and heart I just mentioned. But I do feel compelled to share some of my feelings and everything that I share in this podcast is said with kind intentions. So let’s talk about whether to be or not be offended.
We live in an amazing time in history. With the internet, just about any information you want is at your fingertips. It’s wonderful. And with social media, you can share your thoughts and messages instantly across the globe. This podcast is an example of that. With technology, the world is more connected than it has ever been. But in other ways, we are more disconnected than ever. The problem is that with the ease of technology, people can choose exactly what they want to show you and what they want to omit. I honestly hate the term fake news, but the truth is it’s all over the place.
You know, I had a heck of a time choosing the artwork for this show. I finally settled on some colorful clothes pins because I remember playing with them and pinching my fingers as a kid. And I think diversity is wonderful. I love making friends with people from other backgrounds and cultures. I love learning how other people think and how they see the world. But diversity brings a lot of different opinions into contact with each other. And the truth is we all have our different pinch points. Most of us believe we’re tolerant and accepting until we get a pinch, right? I mean, being a member of the LDS church can be a problem for some people. And I’ve had some frustrating experiences as a single woman in the workforce.
There’s so much conflict and contention right now. Everyone is polarized whether it’s about politics, or race, or religion or the Covid vaccine. Pick any topic you want. I don’t care to go into any of my personal opinions in this episode. The thing I want to focus on is just what the title says, ‘To Be Or Not To Be Offended.’ And nine times out of ten I just want to channel the meme of that delightful lady where she says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
While we’re talking about delightful people, there’s a quote by Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty that really hits home. He said, “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” I love that and it’s true.
There is a predominating feeling in society that ‘if you’re not for us, then you’re against us.’ That’s a lie. Sometimes you are going to fundamentally disagree with someone. No one gets through life without conflict. But rather than having shouting matches over who’s right, let’s make a little space for each other. Follow the example of your kids, and take a time out. There a lot of times, I think we need to remember the lessons we teach our children as adults.
Here’s the thing about conflict. I’m a big reader and a writer and I know that conflict is what makes a story. Without it all you got is a boring list of events. You are the hero of your own story. But you need supporting characters, and how you treat those supporting characters determines your destiny. The question is what kind of story are you going to make out of your life? Adventure, fairy tale, or horror story, it’s up to you.
Another really great message on choosing not to be offended is a talk by David A. Bednar. And you guessed it, it’s from a previous General Conference back in October, 2006. The talk is titled And Nothing Shall Offend Them. Elder Bednar explains, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”
A similar sentiment was also eloquently expressed by Eleanor Roosevelt when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Okay, so we’ve covered the concepts that choosing to be offended is a choice, that it’s okay to disagree sometimes, and ‘ain’t nobody got time for that. I think we all know deep down that choosing to be kind can often be better than choosing to be right.
But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe in. And even if you yourself are tolerant, it can feel like walking a tight rope when you need to express yourself and society is waiting for you to fall so they can point fingers at you and yell. I really dislike political correctness. Mostly because what is politically correct changes all the time. And honestly if people take the time to listen with an open heart and an open mind, they can sense whether what you’re saying comes from a place of sincerety or with malicious intent. The trick is opening up those hearts and minds.The trolls are out there and they’ve relocated. Instead of lurking under bridges, they’re online. Haters are gonna hate. The best advice I have is to take a line from Taylor Swift and, “Shake it off.”
However, it’s also important to be willing to be edjucated and open to change if we do something that is hurtful, even unintentionally. We need to realize that everyone has biases that come with the culture they were raised in. It’s okay to scrutinize our beliefs and behaviors and change if necessary. Not only is it okay, it is vital.
One of the best examples and proponents of these concepts is Brené Brown. I know I’ve mentioned her a few times before on this podcast but she really is amazing. She has a couple different podcasts herself that are worth checking out. I can’t remember in which podcast she used this story, but this is a great example of what I’m talking about. One day Brené Brown posted something online about someone or something being her spirit animal. That is a really common thing is social media these days and I don’t think there is any malicious intent behind it. It is supposed to be something fun and a way to express how you feel. I have done that myself. But a Native Amerian commented that in their culture, spirit animals are sacred and they felt disrespected by the blithe way it is being used on the internet. I think Brené handled the situation gracefully. She apologized and brought awareness by talking about her experience on her podcast. There was no shame or anger really on either side. But Brené Brown owned up to the fact that she acted in ignorance and then everybody just moved forward with their lives. No harm, no foul, right.
The takeaway in that story is that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. What’s the opposite of offense? Defense, right? It is really easy to get defensive when someone tries to educate us on those sensitive pinch points. They’re sensitive for a reason. But we can all channel our inner Brené Brown and give vulnerability a chance.
You know, we’re told to be more kind and more loving so often that we can become desensitized to what that really means. But it’s the truth, kindness and love will get your farther along in life than anything else.
I want to end today with the best definition of those things that I know. Charity is the pure love of Christ. In 1 Corinthians chapter 13 we read:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
So the challenge this week is to channel charity. Take a look at your behaviour and attitudes and see if maybe you could be a little kinder. If someone gets ya in one of your pinch points, shake it off and decide what kind of character you are going to be in your life story. The world is a beautiful place full of colorful people in every sense of the word colorful. Don’t be offended. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Live The Vibrant Life!
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