Emily Romrell

Estimated Reading Time 7 Minutes

Hey You! This is The Vibrant Life Podcast and my name is Emily Romrell. I’m psyched to be here with you again and share some thoughts on how we can grow together on the journey to be our best selves. I hope y’all are having an amazing January. How are the resolutions for 2023 holding up? You may have noticed that this is only my second podcast this year, and I feel like there should be a facepalm meme in the show notes here somewhere, but I’m not giving up and neither should you. I think we have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves and then when we do fall short of what we maybe hoped, we get the urge to give up. Don’t do it. I was with a good friend today and we talked about how the simple act of trying and to keep putting in the effort can be so powerful. So let’s keep trying together my friends.

I really do love this podcast and the time I spend here with you. My goal is to keep these episodes short and impactful while focusing on concepts that can make a big difference in our lives. It’s a little mind-blowing to me that we’re on episode 65 and I love it. If you feel that this podcast has been helpful and brought encouragement to you then for me it’s a success. But I will add a little plug right now for you to subscribe and leave a quick review. It means a lot and helps to get the podcast out to as many people as possible.

Alrighty, today I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while. It seems like people are constantly talking about red flags these days, especially on social media. People bring up red flags in connection with dating and relationships, or possible red flags when you are making a big life decision like taking a new job, or buying a home, etc. And I guess that it’s good to be careful and be aware of indicators on how things could play out, and if you do have glaring red flags come up obviously don’t ignore them. But I hate focusing on the negative side of things. Because there are pros and cons to every choice you make in life. And personally, I want to live life in a positive and optimistic way.

One thing I really don’t like is the trend where people will give ratings out of 10 to a person and then add in either a good or bad quality to see how that might affect the score. You’ll hear things like she’s a seven but she’s an awful cook, or he’s a six but he makes a lot of money. Peeps, that is not where our heads or our hearts should be. Every one of us is tremendously special in our own way so let’s stop it. Let’s spread the love and keep the negativity to a minimum.

In an effort to emphasize this point, today we’re talking about Green Flags and how it might be more effective (and side note way more fun) to look for positive traits and indicators. There will always be things you need to work on with others because none of us are perfect, but wouldn’t you rather have the good things you’re looking for reinforced? And I am personally so grateful to the people in my life who invest in me and love me despite my shortcomings.

It’s comforting to know the things we need will be there in the relationship, the job, or the house that we may be considering. And as long as needed green flags are in place I feel confident in my ability to tackle other problems along the way. That’s what makes things feel right.

Also when you look for the green flags, you almost always find some bonuses that you didn’t expect. You will see even more of the good in the person or the situation. And it’s true the same can be said for red flags because you find what you look for. Your brain finds evidence to support what you believe. But that just proves the point. Here’s the truth my friends, the people, the things, and the experiences in our lives are strongly influenced by the energy we direct toward them.

This is why I am a huge believer in positive reinforcement. When you encourage others and give them an opportunity to live up to their potential, they just may astound you with what they accomplish and what they give back to your relationship. And your home or your job or whatever else will be filled with the energy that you bring to it. Likewise, if you are constantly critical of your relationships or your job etc., that negative energy will permeate through everything.

Here are just a few great things that come from looking for green flags:

• You are a lot happier because it’s practicing gratitude for what you have.
• Your partner/friend in the relationship is a lot happier because they feel loved and appreciated. Don’t forget to actually tell them about all the great things they’re doing. It’s magic and they will end up doing more because they feel so good.
• You will be a better person and develop more green flags within yourself because you naturally become what you focus on.
• Tackling the red flags that do pop up will be much easier because you are coming from a place of kindness and love.

If you have enough of the green flags that you need, then you’ve got a good thing going on. If you don’t have the things you need or want then it would be wise to go in a different direction. This is where it becomes important to have healthy boundaries and clear expectations. If you don’t define your life, others will do it for you.

Again, a lot of this concept really is choosing how you look at things. For example, if you are looking at a romantic partner, a red flag might be that they don’t take out the trash or help with household chores. So to counter that the green flag would be someone who does take care of their home and share in the work. But it’s a more reliable sign that things will work out when you do have that confirmation that what you need is going to be there. And that would be evidenced by a track record of behavior, right?

Then you can decide if that need or want is a deal breaker. One thing that I’m learning is that you have no control over anyone else. So you can talk to your partner and ask them to be more diligent in the chores, but ultimately what they do is up to them. And if their track record of behavior suggests that they aren’t willing to help, then you have to choose a response to that. Are you going to let your frustrations build until you explode, or will you decide that doing the chores yourself is something you can live with? Maybe your person has green flags in other areas that make up for this issue. But that is something that you have to work out within your own heart and mind.

Obviously, some flags whether they are green or red are more serious than others. It’s up to each of us to choose what we are willing to live with. But when you are looking for the positive that is reinforced and grows into bigger and better things.

So what are some examples of green flags? Here’s a list of things that I like to look for:

• Probably my biggest green flag is that people in my life are kind…to me, to others, and to animals. Kindness is key.
• You feel safe: physically and emotionally.
• You can truly be yourself around that person or in that environment. I call this the blue jean test. Are you as comfortable here as you feel in your favorite pair of jeans?
• The other person is a good communicator and is open with their feelings.
• They are a good listener.
• They appreciate the little things in life.
• They make you laugh.
• They handle disappointment well and roll with the punches.
• They have a compatible energy level. Sometimes it’s good to be a little opposite so you can complement each other but you don’t want an energizer bunny matched up with a couch potato.
• They have similar morals and values.
• They do take care of their home and possessions.
• They have good hygiene.
• They manage money well.
• There are so many good things to look for!

You get the idea. I think it’s critical to have your own boundaries and expectations for the life that you want to live. Then when you know what you want and need you can find it. Don’t let others impose their own red flags on what might be a green flag for you. I mean, just sticking with the silly cooking example from the beginning. Being a bad cook may be a red flag for some people, but it could be a green flag if you are someone who loves to cook and you want to share that talent with someone who’ll really appreciate it. But if you let others discourage you by handing your their red flags you might be missing out on some great people or opportunities.

I know I’m repeating myself now, but this is the takeaway, peeps. When you look for green flags, you are going to be so much happier, you are going to be more effective in getting what you want, and you will be a better person within yourself. And that Peeps, makes life a heck of a lot more vibrant. Have a great week everybody and wave those green flags.