Estimated Reading Time 7 Minutes
Hey you! Welcome back to the Vibrant Life Podcast. I hope you’re having a fabulous day. I’m doing great. This last week I celebrated my 35th birthday and it’s been wonderful to spend some quality time with family and friends. If you know me, you know that I am extremely nostalgic. So I tend to get a little sentimental sometimes. The last week or so I’ve had that Tim McGraw song “My Next Thirty Years” on repeat in my head. (Side-note: I am a huge Country Music fan and Tim is one of my all-time favorite singers.) But I’ve been pondering on my life so far. It’s safe to say that things didn’t turn out like I expected when I was younger, but that is the way it goes for most people. All in all, I have a terrific life and I feel so blessed. I am also truly excited about the future and hopeful about good things ahead.
I want to add a quick plug before we get into the real deal today. If you like the podcast so far, I’d love your honest feedback in the form of a review on iTunes or Spotify. You can click on the links in the show notes. I’m just getting started and a review would mean the world to me and help get this community growing.
Alrighty, the topic today is Imposter Syndrome. This is something that I think everyone deals with at some point and it’s been a major roadblock for me. So I figured the best thing is to just get this out in the open as soon as possible, then you can take me or leave me as I am. The first step to overcoming any weakness is to acknowledge it exists. Just naming it removes a lot of the power and fear a struggle may have over you. So I’m getting real with you here and admitting that I really struggle with thoughts of inadequacy. I’ve allowed Imposter Syndrome to prevent me from moving forward in different areas of my life, but now the time has come to slay the beast.
To make sure we are all on the same page, let’s define Imposter Syndrome. A great article that I recommend reading on verywellmind.com explains that:
“Impostor syndrome (IS) refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.
To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.”
Imposter Syndrome can manifest a lot of shame and negative self-talk. This can cause patterns to emerge in our lives that hold us back in a multitude of ways. The only way to beat it, is to be mindful of our thoughts and emotions. Then once we are aware of what’s happening we can choose to change.
Birthdays are a theme today because I want to tell you about an experience I had on my birthday in third grade. I was very much like Hermione Granger from Harry Potter as a child. I’ve always been in love with learning. I did well in school and always felt like I had all the answers. I rarely got in trouble or needed discipline I also have a goofy side, so after my class sang Happy Birthday to me, I stood up and bowed with a flamboyant, “Thank you, thank you.” The kids all laughed, but my teacher who I adored scowled and shook her head.
“That is not the way we behave in class,” she said in a stern voice. “Sit down and be quiet.”
Now, I don’t blame all of my problems on this one moment from my childhood. I loved that teacher and I still think of her fondly. Compared to what others have dealt with, this experience may seem trivial. But I can clearly remember a distinct change in my perception of reality from that day. The emotion bubbles up to the surface every time I think about it. I went to school believing that I could pretty much do anything. I left with a strong belief that being the center of attention was wrong and recognition by others was bad. This was misguided thinking from the brain of an eight-year-old. But I believed those thoughts so completely that they have stayed with me even up to today.
Time moved on and my insecurities grew. I had amazing parents, teachers, and other important people in my life who believed in me and supported me. This is no reflection on them, but I’m trying to explain how things evolved for me. I was constantly being told how “good” and how “talented” I was. In the beginning, I believed that was true. But eventually, I became convinced that I could never be as good as people believed. My biggest fear became being found out as a fraud and a hypocrite. I knew I would let the people I loved most down.
Again, I want to stress that no one did anything wrong. I am ridiculously blessed to have an amazing support system both now and as I was growing up. But my child brain made some assumptions that grew deep roots. I went from being an invincible version of Hermione Granger to doubting that I could live up to the wonderful ideas others had about me, to ultimately believing it was my job to stay in the background because I was worth less than those around me.
This spiral downward happened gradually over time. I don’t blame anyone else for my own thoughts and feelings. However, I doubt that I am the only person who has carried negative patterns, thoughts, and beliefs from childhood into adulthood. I’ve made a lot of progress, especially in the last few years to change the way I think about things. Now I’m on an upward spiral. It takes a lot of effort to move forward. But there is a great quote from Henry B. Eyring who said, “If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill.”
Imposter Syndrome can show up in different ways for different people. Dr. Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, has identified five types of “impostors.”
The Expert will not feel satisfied when finishing a task until they feel that they know everything about the subject. The time spent searching for information can make it hard to complete tasks and projects.
The Perfectionist experiences high levels of anxiety, doubt, and worry, especially when they set themselves extreme goals that they are unable to achieve. A perfectionist will focus on areas where they could have done better rather than celebrate their achievements.
Natural Geniuses master many new skills quickly and easily, and they may feel ashamed and weak when faced with a goal that is too hard. Learning that everyone needs to struggle to achieve some goals may help.
The Soloist, or “rugged individualist,” prefers to work alone, fearing that asking for help will reveal incompetence. The person may turn down help in an attempt to prove their self-worth.
Superheroes often excel due to extreme effort, as in “workaholism.” This can lead to burnout, which can affect physical and mental well-being and relationships with others.
Do any of these characteristics sound familiar? Honestly, it’s normal to experience Imposter Syndrome from time to time. These feelings can be useful if we use them to honestly evaluate our efforts and keep us working at our best. The danger is that we stay in that place. I believe people generally do the best they can. If you know better, then do better. But it’s also important to be gentle with yourself and realize that life is about growing and learning. Don’t be so hard on yourself that you stay stuck for years unable to live your life.
There are several different ways to fight Imposter Syndrome:
1-If you suffer from clinical depression or anxiety, or if this is a trial that seems too big for you, I sincerely recommend counseling. It can really help to have someone to talk to in a safe place, someone that you can trust to give you a clearer perspective.
2-Work on recognizing those limiting beliefs and challenging them. If you have a thought like, “I could never (fill in the blank…get a better job, play the piano, find a loving relationship, etc.)” Try adding “Yet” at the end of that statement. So “I can’t play the piano yet.” That little three-letter word holds so much possibility and hope. Then when you get used to that idea try something like, “I am learning to play the piano.” Work your way up by degrees and eventually, you will believe you are a great piano player. And once you truly believe something, you will achieve it.
3-Try not to compare yourself with others. This is a hard one, but if we can recognize that each individual is on their own journey and their own timeline it helps. I also think that if you work to cheer others on and genuinely encourage them in their goals you are less likely to compare yourself negatively. It’s a process, but it’s doable.
4-Take Action. So many times we let the fear of Imposter Syndrome freeze us in our tracks. If you can make yourself do the next best thing to accomplish your goal, and then the next step after that, you may find that your fear fades away in simply doing what you need to do. Seriously, our minds can be traps. Don’t think too hard, just do.
Imposter Syndrome is something that is a very real struggle for me. But it’s a battle that I’m determined to win. I hope this time together today has encouraged you to fight the good fight as well. Remember to be gentle with yourself and give yourself some credit where it’s due. It’s a process, but if you put in the effort, you will be a lot closer to living the Vibrant Life. Have a great week everybody.
