Emily Romrell

Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes

Hey you! Welcome to the Vibrant Life Podcast. I’m Emily Romrell. I want to apologize. It’s been a couple of weeks since the last podcast. Life’s been a little crazy and I need to be better prepared. It’s so great to spend some time with you today through the miracle of technology. It’s awesome in the true sense of the word that we can create content and others can connect with it. Time or distance doesn’t matter. A bond is formed between people that may or may not ever meet. It’s a magical process that’s been happening for as long as art has existed. That’s one reason that I love books so much. An author might be gone for centuries and yet a reader still will connect with their words and a relationship is formed that is real and meaningful. The same goes with great works of art, music, gardens people have planted…the ways and means are limitless.

Not to compare this little podcast with anything so monumental, but I do feel a connection to you as a listener. I hope you know that, and I’m so grateful for the time you take to listen to what I’m offering.

I hope you’re enjoying the podcast. I’ve received some great feedback. If you have time, a review on iTunes or Spotify would be awesome. Thanks for spreading the word!

Alrighty, let’s get down to it. Today’s topic is “Choose Your Hard”. Honestly, the last couple of months have been difficult for me. I’ve had the worst insomnia that I’ve ever experienced. I just can’t sleep which affects everything: my mood, my energy, and my thinking. I’m getting over an ear infection and I also struggle with headaches a lot. Besides all of that, I am working for myself now doing some freelance work. This is great but also stressful when other things are out of balance. I don’t tell you this because I want pity or sympathy. I just want to express that I am human and I’m working through life. I’m in the thick of things right along with the rest of you. It makes me think of that song, “Stuck In The Middle With You“. I created this podcast as a way to document my journey to a vibrant life. I’m in the middle of that journey. I hope you’ll find value here and grow in the journey with me.

So what does it mean to “Choose Your Hard”? This principle has changed my life. It’s a lesson I’ve felt like my soul kind of always knew but is taking time for my mind and heart to accept and actualize. But practicing and working on true principles is what life is about, right?

You’re probably thinking I need to get to the point. I promise I will. But I want to talk with you about my personal journey over the last few years. This will give you the context of where I’m coming from. Then you will better understand my message today.

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety since I was twelve or thirteen. I’m thirty-five now. Believe me when I say I know what it’s like to deal with pain and trials over a long time and wonder if life will ever get better. A big side effect of those struggles is that I became extremely overweight. I’ve experienced some dark times and maybe the worst was at the beginning of 2018. I felt as low and helpless as I could ever remember. So I made an appointment to talk with my bishop. [I’m a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints and if you have questions about the church or what the role of a Bishop is, I’ve included some links in the show notes.] But all you need to know is that I reached out to a caring religious leader. [Side note: there is a lot of help out there in many religious communities and civilly. If you are struggling. I hope you’ll be brave enough to ask for help if you need it.]

My bishop at the time was a practicing psychologist and counselor. He was compassionate and told me that he felt I needed professional counseling to really move forward in my life. I was reluctant to try this. I’d gone to counseling before and felt it hadn’t made much of a difference. My bishop assured me he felt that professional counseling was a good choice. So I agreed to try again.

My bishop recommended a counselor for me and I started to see him. I felt this counselor was interested in helping me, but he was overworked and could only see me sporadically. I felt really discouraged and almost gave up, but I decided to give it another try and research some alternative options online. I found a counselor that looked good and called her up. I am so glad I kept going because I really clicked with my new counselor and she’s really helped me to make big changes in my life. one session when this topic came up and she taught me about Choosing Your Hard.

“Emily,” she said. “Life is hard. You just have to decide which hard you’re willing to live with. It’s hard being over-weight and not being able to be active and do things you want to do. It’s hard to change and live a healthier lifestyle and give up some of the habits that brought you here. It’s hard to stay home in bed feeling anxious and depressed. It’s hard to make yourself get outside and walk and interact with the world. You just have to choose your hard.”

This idea changed my world and I had a major paradigm shift in how I viewed my life. For a long time, one of the thoughts on repeat in my head has been “Life Is Hard”. To be honest, I still have that thought often. But I am making progress on changing what that means. Initially, I entertained thoughts like “Life is hard and there is nothing I can do about it” or “Life is hard, and because it’s hard I will always struggle and be in pain.” Those thoughts are dang depressing. But after I got this idea in my head that you can choose your hard, I felt a surge of hope.

After a few months of counseling, I was feeling better and working hard on trying to change my negative thinking patterns. I have to admit I can be pretty stubborn and can be slow to accept change even when it’s good for me. But I was making some progress and I got the opportunity to have weight-loss surgery.

A few months previous to this, a friend of mine decided to have the same surgery along with her husband. They looked great, so I talked to the medical clinic they used and got more information. In the past, I was reluctant to get surgery. I felt like it was too expensive and I didn’t believe I deserved it. What if I got surgery and it didn’t work? But with this thought that I could choose my hard and do hard things. I felt much more optimistic. My parents were extremely supportive and helped me both financially, physically, and emotionally through the whole process. Within a month of considering the surgery, the operation was completed and I was on my weight-loss journey.

I don’t have time to go over my whole story on this podcast. The process of losing weight after the surgery was not easy either. I didn’t manage my diet and energy very well. There were many days I was close to passing out because I felt so tired and weak. I had to learn how to manage my energy and nutrition. I’m still learning. But now, two years later, my life is transformed. I’ve lost over 170 lbs. I can exercise and do a lot of physical activities that I couldn’t do before. One of the main thoughts on repeat in my head during those extra hard days was simply “Choose Your Hard”.

There’s a multitude of reasons why people are overweight or struggle with depression or anxiety. For me, the weight was a physical symptom that expressed the turmoil and negativity I felt inside. If you asked me today I wouldn’t say I’m cured. I still have dark days and I have to constantly work on my thoughts and habits. I’m also not ashamed to tell you that I take medication that seems to help. I’m still in the process of defeating my demons. As I said, I’m stubborn and I don’t like change. But my heck, my life is better.

There is a difference in choosing the hard where you’re isolated and/or defeated vs. the hard where you do the work and put in the effort to change. Both ways of life take a lot of energy. But only one way provides positive results. Choose the hard that gives you something back.

Lately, I’ve also been thinking about effort vs. struggle. In the past and occasionally in the present, I think thoughts like “Life is hard and I’m just tired of struggling all the time.” My sixth-grade teacher in elementary school was a wonderful man and he always used to say, “Life’s hard, then you die.” It’s one of the truest statements I’ve ever heard. He said it as a way to stop complaining in class and I think also as a way to tell his students that they could do hard things. It’s just part of life that you have to deal with pain and heartache. But I believe most of us make life a lot more difficult than it really needs to be.

Now I am working on thinking thoughts like “Life takes effort”, “Effort is a good thing”, “Work is a good thing” or one of my new favorite mantras is “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you”. There is a big difference between effort and struggle. Effort is the energy it takes to make things happen. Struggle is added energy and stress on top of the effort. We struggle when we think thoughts like “I can’t do this” or “That is too hard.”

I think about doing chores as a kid. My mom was so patient. I hated doing dishes because I didn’t like getting things on my hands. I would often drag the chore out and a 10-minute job would turn into thirty minutes of torture. It was the resistance I felt towards doing something I didn’t like that caused all of the trouble. It’s still not my favorite thing, but I’m okay with doing dishes now. I know I can just dig in and get the job done. Now I feel resistance towards other hard things like meeting new people and creating new relationships. Or working on creating the life I really want.

I want you to know that I still struggle. I still have demons to battle. I am stuck in the middle of life with the rest of you. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to admit that. And sometimes just admitting that we have a struggle diminishes it and we find the strength to put in the effort and overcome that difficulty. I actually am so grateful for this podcast and the chance to express these feelings because the last few months have been challenging to say the least. But in creating this podcast episode I have reminded myself that I’ve overcome a lot already. I can continue to put in the effort to be better and create a vibrant life for myself. I can choose the hard that works for me. You can do that too! Thanks for listening and Live The Vibrant Life!

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