Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes
Hey You! Welcome back to The Vibrant Life Podcast. I’m Emily Romrell and I’m stoked to have you here, my friends. I hope y’all have had a great week and a happy Valentine’s Day. I know there are some people who think holidays are over-rated and over-commercialized, but it’s what you decide to focus on, right? I think any opportunity to celebrate and love the people in your life should be seized with both hands. So I hope you felt the love this last week. I’m definitely sending my love to you also.
I’ve been thinking about my message for this podcast over the last few days and I’m not going to lie, I’ve teared up more than once. It hits a tender spot in my heart. Today I’m talking about safe places. And we need more safe places desperately in the world right now.
I feel incredibly lucky because although I’ve had my struggles, in my life I’ve never truly felt unsafe. I’ve always had an amazing support system. I know so many people out there can’t say that. And if you are currently living in a situation where you need help. I’m praying for you to get the help you need. But the truth is that no matter what background you come from or what life situation you are in, we all desperately need safe places in our lives.
Do you remember the story of The Three Little Pigs? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like nursery rhymes and stories are less popular than they were when I was young, but I could be wrong. But I personally got a heavy dose of the classic children’s stories and fairy tales as a kid. I loved it. My dad did an amazing imitation of The Big Bad Wolf, let me tell ya.
Anyway, you probably remember that in The Three Little Pigs that the first pig made his house out of straw, the second out of sticks, and the third out of bricks. And when The Big Bad Wolf came the first two houses were easily blown down. Only the last house was safe and prevented the wolf from getting in.
We all have wolves out to get us in life, don’t we? And different wolves prey on our individual weaknesses. Wolves come in the form of temptations or peer pressure (which doesn’t end after high school by the way). Wolves can be found in your negative thoughts, self-talk, and the harsh criticism of other people in your life. There are literally natural disasters that will blow down our homes, and there are financial crises that will threaten our ability to survive. And tragically, there really are some bad people out in the world so we do need to be vigilant when it comes to safety. We need to build our brick houses.
Back in high school, I remember learning about Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow is one of the most influential psychologists who’ve impacted how we understand ourselves. Back in 1943, he came up with the theory that we have pressing needs that must be met before we can develop into healthy and fulfilled individuals. I have a chart in the show notes if you’re interested in checking that out.
But here’s the thing, on this pyramid of needs, the very first level is physiological requirements. So as humans we need air, water, food, and shelter to survive, right? If those needs aren’t met, then we can’t move forward up the mountain to our best selves.
On this first level we would find our first definition of a safe place, right? We absolutely need physical shelter from the world outside. This isn’t where I’m spending my main focus today, but I do want to acknowledge that it’s critical to prepare the best we can and to build a home and a life that provides a safe place where our basic needs are met.
Guess what the second level of the pyramid is. Yep, it’s safety. Right after the bare necessities of survival, it’s imperative for us to find safe places. You might recognize as I did that one level kind of bleeds into the next. So obviously, we’re moving on to things like financial resources and employment here. Things that allow us to provide for ourselves. But this is where I would also expect to find our basic shelters turning into comfortable homes.
There’s an old saying that home is where you can scratch where it itches. I had an uncle who loved reminding us of things like that. But it’s true. Our homes should be places of security where we feel safe to be ourselves. I believe it’s in the home that we either fail or succeed in society. There is a direct link to the home life of a child and how productive and happy that person grows up to be.
There are some basics that make sense here, right? Our homes should be clean and inviting. They are places that we make our own and decorate to reflect our individual tastes. They should be filled with an atmosphere of love and acceptance. You gotta have those family pictures up. Again, I know there are a lot of people that don’t have this. I’m so sorry if you don’t. But the good news is that if you didn’t get this kind of home growing up, you can choose to create a better home as an adult.
The third level on the Hierarchy of Needs is love and belonging. It’s where we find our relationships. All of us know these needs deep in our hearts. We absolutely need connection with others to function successfully in life. And what is the number one requirement in forming any kind of healthy relationship? We need to know the other person is there for us in some way. They need to be a safe place for us.
Obviously, there are varying degrees of safety and expectations depending on what the relationship is. You probably won’t spill your guts at work, at least not right away. But we’ve all had co-workers that become close friends and over time we do share with them because they have become a safe place for us. You may even have one of those amazing bosses who invests in you as a person and becomes a mentor. When that happens, it’s magic. And the magic is born out of that safe place within the relationship.
This idea of our relationships being safe places is so important. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor. It doesn’t matter what culture you come from. We all desperately need people in our lives who provide a space for us to be vulnerable, where we can share the special thoughts and feelings of our hearts. Ideally, this begins with our parents. They encourage us to grow and fulfill our potential from the beginning. Then we branch out to our siblings and our friends. We find teachers and mentors as we grow and they make all the difference in our lives.
My friends, I don’t know how I got so dang lucky in my life. But there have been so many people who have been this kind of safe place for me throughout the different stages in my life. My family is so supportive. But I’ve also had different friends that seem to have come into my life at just the right time to teach me and support me at the times when I needed them most. Some have been friends my same age, but I’ve also grown close to older friends and neighbors. I had the most incredible Young Women leaders growing up. (If you’re not familiar with that, they are youth group leaders in my church.) I’ve grown close to people at work and with my mental health counselor.
All of these amazing people have one thing in common. They made a safe place for me and allowed me to be myself while encouraging me to grow. I’m not the only one. If you have an open heart and look around at the people God has placed in your life, you might be surprised at how blessed you’ve been too.
One thing that’s been hard for me is that these special people don’t always stay in our lives. We’re all on our individual journeys, right? Everyone grows and life paths that run parallel for a while often diverge and eventually go in different directions.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the color code but I have a very blue personality. All you need to know about that is my driving motivation in life is intimacy and connection. Once you become my friend, I am invested in you, baby. I’m as loyal as they come. I work very hard at being the kind of person who is a safe place for people in my life. And believe me, I am far from perfect. I fall short on the regular. But I do think I’ve learned a few things.
So what does it look like to be a safe place for others? I think it means you work at being compassionate. you never know what the other person is going through, so try not to judge. Do your best to love and encourage them. It means you’re willing to truly listen to the other person and you try to see things from their perspective. At the same time, you encourage them to grow and help them to do those hard things in life that we all face. It can be incredibly rewarding.
But this has also been a stumbling block for me at times. It’s very easy to become enmeshed with others if healthy boundaries aren’t in place. It’s important to care for others and help them when you can. But not at the expense of your own physical and mental health. And it can go both ways. You don’t want to become too dependent on those safe places that others provide to you as friends, family, teachers, etc. Because there is a point where it gets to be too much and the relationship can suffer. And again, people have their own lives. They will love you sincerely, but they will move away or get busy in their own lives. And that’s natural and to be expected.
One of the best things about these true friendships though is that even when you don’t necessarily see a person often or for a long time, once that love is there, it’s there forever. It’s a love that stays with you and that you can lean on whenever you need it. And when you do see that special person again you pick up right where you left off.
This brings me to one of the most powerful lessons that I’m still getting the hang of in my life. You can be a safe place for yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ve got. It took me a long time to learn that. Did you know you can talk to yourself and be there for yourself just like you are for other people? It’s not selfish. It’s vital. When you can love yourself and be a safe place for YOU…, my friend, it’ll change your whole world.
The last safe place I want to talk about is that you have a safe place with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know I’m getting religious on you, but I think this is so important to know. I believe that God loves us and understands us more than we can comprehend. When you feel like there is nowhere to go and no one you could possibly talk to, I would encourage you to pray. You can empty your soul right out and be free in the knowledge that there is really no safer place than with your Heavenly Father. That doesn’t mean life will be easy, but it does mean you don’t have to go through it alone.
Safe places are critical to living a healthy and happy life. It’s my deep wish for you that you will discover safe places as you make your own journey in the world. I hope you develop those wonderful relationships with others that become safe places. I hope you will be a safe place for the people around you. I especially want you to know that you can be a safe place for yourself. And you always have a safe place with God. These kinds of safe places are what really make life worth living, don’t you think?
Have a fabulous week, my friends. Live The Vibrant Life!
