Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes
Hey you! It’s Friday, and that means another Vibrant Life Podcast. Yay! I’m Emily Romrell, and it is so good to be here with you today. It’s been a fun week. I won second place in a chili cookoff. Thanks, Mom for teaching me how to make yummy things. I had a good time celebrating with people who all have January birthdays in my ward or my church congregation for those who are unfamiliar with that term. And I finally got my Christmas decorations taken down and my house kind of back in order. My bedroom and office are both a mess, but the living main area is looking pretty good. All I can say is, “The struggle is real.” I know we’re almost into February folks, but I’m learning you just gotta do what you can do. That’s cliche, but true.
If you’re enjoying the podcast, I’d appreciate a quick review on Apple Podcasts or whatever platform you listen on. I’d love for you to share the show with your family and friends, and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss any new episodes. When we share positive thoughts and energy with the world, life gets that much more vibrant.
Today we’re talking about being misunderstood, and the idea that being misunderstood is not necessarily a problem. With 8 billion people in the world who each have unique hearts and minds, misunderstandings are inevitable. Even only 2 people with their own hearts and minds are guaranteed to be at odds with each other sometimes. That’s why compassion and tolerance are so vital.
In my mind, I have this image of teenagers full of angst complaining that no one understands them. How many teenage rock anthems are out there about that? But the truth is that we all feel misunderstood at all ages of our lives at times. But as we get a little older and wiser we realize that being misunderstood is not really such a big deal. The more important thing is to come to understand yourself.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve really struggled with balancing how I show myself to the world and how I show up for myself. It’s been challenging for me to come to terms with what people see and what they don’t see.
Actually, if I’m being honest, I’ve struggled with that most of my life. Because I’m the kind of person that always wants to put my best face forward. My parents taught that to me: always do your best, always give your best effort, show your best self. I am a very genuine and sincere person, but I don’t like people to see me struggle.
I sometimes worry that if people just take these messages from the podcast, or if they just look at me from the outside, they might miss the fact that I’m as hopelessly flawed as any other human.
Since I was a very young child, people have been telling me how good I am. Literally, that exact phrase, “Emily, you are so good.” And I am a good person. I work really hard to be the kind of person I think my Heavenly Father wants me to be, and I want to live up to my potential.
But my brain took that message and got pretty messed up for a while, because I would think things like, “If you knew the real me, you would know how imperfect I am and I really don’t measure up.” or “I’ll never be as good as they think I am.”
Our brains are so interesting, aren’t they? You can take a good thing and twist it so easy. Because all of those people who told me that and still tell me that mean good things. They have good intentions. So its…it can be confusing. But I’ve worked through a lot of those feelings and thoughts through therapy and just diving into my own personal development. I’ve worked through a lot of those issues, but it’s an ongoing battle for me.
Just in the last couple of years, I’ve had some pretty dang challenging physical stuff to deal with. I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia which has a whole slew of symptoms that are difficult to handle. And I frequently suffer from severe migraines and back pain as well. I’m honestly doing ok. I want you guys to know that. I have a blessed life. I’m so grateful for everything that I have, but these are things that have completely changed my day-to-day world. And besides the actual physical pain, the hardest things for me have been misunderstandings with others about my life and how I live.
Because from the outside it may not look like there’s so much going on. People don’t realize that when I go out and do anything social or if I have something important to do, I’m always on some pretty decent pain meds, and again I don’t want the attention, so I try hard not to let the pain show through. But when I’m home alone, you might see a different story. This causes misunderstandings about what people think I can or can’t do and about how I show up in the world, just different ways of getting things done or whatever.
I’m not sharing this with all of you for sympathy or to complain, but I also want to be real with you. I only have my own experiences to share, and life is teaching me a lot. It’s teaching me not to judge others on appearances, cuz I hope they don’t judge me always on my appearance. It’s teaching me to give people the benefit of the doubt, and it’s giving me a big dose of compassion for others and the hard things they may be going through.
We only see small glimpses into people, my friends, until we love them and build safe relationships, then they may show us more. But in general, small, small glimpses of who people really are.
So… it’s great news to realize that misunderstandings don’t matter as much as we might think. People can be wrong about us, and that’s fine because they don’t see the big picture of what’s going on and who we are.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want acceptance, right? We all have a deep desire to be heard and seen for who we are. We all care about what other people think about us to a certain extent and that’s just part of being human and having relationships. When you care about someone, you care about what they think. But life becomes a lot more vibrant when we don’t let what others think drive our actions or how we love ourselves.
Here’s the truth, in the end how you love yourself is what counts. Because people come and go in life. People that I love still to this day I don’t see too often from my past. My mom always told us growing up that friends come and go but family is forever. That is true in many ways, but even family members have their individual lives to lead. Siblings grow up and move away or build their own families. You do the same.
If you’re lucky like me, your family is close and you will always be there for each other, but that doesn’t take away your responsibility to write your own life story. Even if you are lucky enough to find love and go through life with a spouse you cherish, that other person who you love so much is not going to fulfill your happiness. They will be a big part of it. But true joy comes from within, not from without.
And sadly, we get caught up in comparisons. We’re inundated with messages telling us how we should look, what kind of possessions we should own, and how we should behave in different situations. And if our ideas don’t match up with someone else’s, then we do our best to make sure the other person is wrong. I hate that. I really do.
This is what I find disturbing about this quote-unquote “woke” culture. Because it’s all about making sure everyone conforms to the same set of beliefs and values and politics. Ugh. People. It’s okay to disagree. It’s a good thing even because when we have conflicts we can find solutions that bring us forward and develop us into better and happier people. I’m not going to spend too much time on that but I just want to say it’s okay to disagree.
I think the root of all this is a belief that if people misunderstand us, then they’ll criticize us, and if we don’t have a strong sense of who we are, then that criticism attacks our self-worth. We want to feel good about ourselves but we look for those good feelings of confidence and love in the wrong places. We look at outward sources like other people and social media for confirmation that we are worthwhile. Let’s stop it, ok Peeps? Just stop. Let’s decide right now that all of us are magnificent and beautiful and lovable.
We can’t control anything about other people. What they do and think is completely their own responsibility. It’s really not even any of our business what others think about us. That’s all on them. So let’s give that job back to them and concentrate on what is our business, our own thoughts, and actions. We can control how we think about ourselves and how we think about others.
I can simply decide to love myself. You can decide that for yourself too. It took me a long time to choose to love myself. Too long, my friends. I had this idea that it would be egotistical and conceited or arrogant if I put myself first. It makes me shake my head now because that is flat-out wrong. I don’t want you to wait as long as I did or however long you’ve waiting stop and start loving yourself. now. Because you deserve your own love just as much or maybe even more than the other special people in your life.
You should be your own best friend. You should talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend. You should show up for yourself like you would for someone you truly care about. Because at the end of the day and at the end of your life, you are the person you live with.
The powerful thing about loving yourself and putting yourself first is it softens the blow of others’ opinions. So when people misunderstand you and think you are doing things wrong, it’s okay. Your worth is not determined by them. And if people tell you you’re amazing and you think they don’t see the big picture, that’s okay. Your worth isn’t determined by them.
I want you to pause and take a minute to really hear this, my friends. You were born worthy. You are a child of God who loves you, and when he created you, he created a masterpiece. Nothing will ever change that, not any mistakes you’ve made in the past or that you might make in the future, not what other people think. I hope you can believe that and I hope you will find a way to love yourself in the way that you deserve. When you do, then being misunderstood isn’t a big deal because you know who you truly are.
I love you. I feel such a connection to you all when I create these podcasts and my heart is filled right up with all of the potential we each have. Each of us is special and precious and we each make this world a better place in our own way. So don’t be afraid to shine your light on the world. You are vibrant!
I hope we can all take what others may think about us a little less seriously. Being misunderstood can be painful but it’s not the end of the world and when we love ourselves then that becomes diminished.
I hope you have a beautiful week. Take care, my friends. Live the vibrant life!
