Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes
Hey you! Welcome back to the Vibrant Life Podcast. I’m Emily Romrell and I’m so glad you’re here spending some time with me today. It means a lot. The last week has been great. I don’t have anything really big to report. Since Covid, my life has slowed down quite a bit, but I don’t think that is a bad thing. Lately, I have really just been soaking in the joy of everyday living and it’s amazing. Yesterday was the only day in the year that tells you to do something: March 4th. I’m trying to keep that message in mind and keep on living the good life. I’m trying to attack each new day with my best effort while allowing some compassion for my imperfections. The struggle is real, but I think I’m winning. I hope you are too!
I hope you’re enjoying the podcast. I’ve heard a lot of good things and it means a lot to get your feedback. If you have a couple of minutes, a review on iTunes or Spotify would be awesome. You can click on the links in the show notes. It doesn’t take long and it means so much. I’m trying to get the Vibrant Life out to as many people as possible. Thank you for helping me spread the word!
Today our topic is: Be An Encourager. Do you have people in your life that bring out a smile every time you think about them? People you want to be around as much as possible because they like you for you and make you feel so good. There have been a few wonderful individuals like this in my life and they make all the difference. Today we’re exploring how to become one of those people.
Being an encourager comes naturally for some people and sometimes it takes a little more effort. But I’ve learned that mindfulness opens doorways to a better understanding of your highest self and seeing the best in others. When that door is open the personal growth and light it allows in your life is amazing.
There are so many ways to encourage others. I think it’s important to encourage people and empower them to go after their dreams. It’s also important to be happy for others in everyday life. Have you ever had exciting news to share but the person you’re talking to feels the need to one-up you? They might say something like, “That’s great, but I did this…” etc. Not only is that annoying, but it’s also disheartening. You want to be able to share good news with people you care about. When you are able to share the small things, you feel empowered to share the big things.
A lot of people are afraid to do what they love because of a lack of support from friends and family. I think it is so important to encourage people in their talents and dreams. They might succeed, they might not. But they for sure won’t achieve success without self-confidence and self-love. It’s a lot easier to find those things within ourselves when others first see the potential inside us. When we encourage others we encourage ourselves. Human beings are filled with wonder and potential. We need encouragers to open the way and let that wonder and potential out. But how do you do that?
Have you heard the old maxim, ‘Think before you speak’? It’s good advice in any situation. But you can also use the word think to remember some keys in becoming an encourager. I was unable to find a reference of who first came up with this, but I’m so grateful for this tool: Before you speak and I would also add before you act, THINK… T – is it True? H – is it Helpful? I – is it Inspiring? N – is it Necessary? K – is it Kind? Let’s break that down.
T – is it True? One of the most important things about being an encourager is being honest and having integrity. I hate gossip. It spreads like a plague and does comparable damage. If we all would take a breath before we share things and ask ourselves if it’s even true or not. The world would be a better place. Even the media can’t be trusted. The term ‘Fake News’ has become too familiar in the last few years. Let’s strive to be people who share what is true.
H – is it Helpful? I love this one. Encouragers are helpful. My dad is one of the most selfless people I know. One time I asked him how he became so service-oriented and I’ll never forget his answer He said, “I learned a long time ago the joy that comes from helping others.” He said it so matter of factly but the truth panged in my heart. Helping others is a joy. There is something magical about seeing a light spark in someone else’s eyes. Sometimes that is the light of gratitude, sometimes it’s knowledge, sometimes it’s truth. But the connection that it brings is powerful.
Going the other direction, we’ve all experienced people who offer words or actions that simply are not helpful. I believe these people are looking for love and attention in misguided ways. But if something is not helpful, it’s probably hurtful and not worth your time. The irony is that when you are helping you find the love and attention that we all crave.
I – is it Inspiring? This runs along similar lines. Encouragers look for the good. They notice the potential in others and emphasize it. I am always inspired when people show who they are inside. When we’re struggling or in pain, sometimes the most encouraging thing is when someone takes the time to truly see us. Encouragers also try to live with confidence and share their personal talents. This allows people around them to grow and do the same.
N – is it Necessary? Sometimes we might need to share feedback or take action that we know will be hard for the other person to receive. Parents need to discipline their kids. Supervisors evaluate and criticize the work of their employees. Sometimes we have issues with people that need to be resolved. This is part of life. This question is important to ask because it allows time for us to reflect on a positive way to move forward. If what we want to say is not necessary, then it is probably also not helpful or inspiring. We may find that we are one of those people seeking love and attention in a misguided way.
K – is it Kind? This might be the most important attribute of an encourager. Kindness is the number one trait people look for in a partner or a friend. I love this quote from Lao Tzu:
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~ Lao Tzu
If you want to make the world a better place. Start by being kind.
So just by taking the word THINK and pausing before you speak or act you can be a wonderful encourager to those around you.
A long time ago I read the book How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic in the self-help / personal development world and it changed the way I looked at my interactions with other people. Deep down we all want to be liked, we all need friendship, we all want to make a difference and influence those around us. Becoming an encourager embraces all of these things. In the book, Carnegie discusses 6 ways to make people like you. While the motive of the book is to gain friends these six skills also embody what it means to be an encourager. A true friend encourages you to be your best while accepting you for who you are.
1. Become genuinely interested in other people. The keyword in that sentence is genuine. When you know someone is sincerely interested in you, you feel loved. When you feel loved, you are empowered to be your true self and reach your highest potential. The amazing thing is when you take the time to see people for who they are you don’t have to pretend to be interested. Every person on the planet is special and has a unique story and perspective. If you take the time to know someone they will captivate you.
2. Smile. This is so simple, so powerful, and so often missed. A genuine smile is a jolt of joy to the soul. A real smile reaches the eyes and the eyes are the window to the soul. Encouragers smile often and sincerely. And when you smile consider giving a hug as well. Not everyone is a hugger. But we all crave human connection. Some of the most meaningful encouragement I’ve ever received has come inf the form of an embrace. You don’t even have to say anything. If it’s appropriate a hug and a smile can say more than words ever can.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. This is something that they teach you in the business world of sales all the time. It goes back to being seen and heard. People love hearing their names. Again remember to be genuine and don’t overdo it. But if you can remember someone’s name and if you use it meaningfully you can encourage confidence and deepen relationships.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. It’s easy to feel invisible in this crazy world. When you take the time to really listen to others they feel important. They feel cared for. They are excited to tell you about life and you will find out all kinds of interesting things. The important thing to remember about being a good listener is that you don’t have to have all the answers. Don’t worry about having the perfect response or trying to fix the other person’s problems. Just listen to what they need to say. This is one of the most encouraging things you can ever do for someone else.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. When people talk about what they love, they get excited. That energy is contagious. By talking with others about their interests you may spark a similar interest within yourself. We build off of each other. Even if you don’t share the same interests you will probably learn something new. And knowledge is power. But either way, the energy and excitement will build and grow into something good.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. This is the perfect summary of what it means to be an encourager. We all need to feel important. That need is a deep part of what it is to be human. When we feel important, we are empowered to do extraordinary things. When we encourage others we also encourage ourselves. It’s a win-win all around.
The last point I want to make is that while these skills and attributes are important when dealing with others, they are also critical in our relationships with ourselves. If we can shift our self-talk and our actions toward ourselves in the same ways, our personal transformation will be miraculous. It’s not easy. It takes effort. It’s important to remember that relationships take time and it’s a process whether we are working with others or ourselves. But it is so worth it.
Thanks again for hanging out with me today. If you found this podcast helpful, I’d love a quick review on iTunes or Spotify. I hope you have a fantastic week, and remember to live the Vibrant Life!
