Estimated Reading Time 8 Minutes
Hi-di-ho, neighbor. My name is Emily Romrell and this is The Vibrant Life Podcast. I hope this small broadcast out into the universe finds you well and happy. If you’re a regular listener to the show you will recognize that I’ve changed up my greeting a bit. Bonus points if you get the reference. I’m dating myself as a total nineties kid here for sure. And I’ll admit to being a little biased but in my opinion, tv in the nineties was the best. The artwork for this episode is also a major clue. You guessed it, I’m talking about that gem of a sitcom called Home Improvement starring Tim Allen. In the show, the next-door neighbor Wilson always greets Tim with a friendly hi-di-ho.
Wilson is a fabulous character for a couple of reasons. First, throughout the eight seasons of the show, we never see his full face. It’s obscured because he is always talking over the backyard fence. Second, Wilson is eccentric. He’s full of sage advice that helps Tim navigate life’s troubles but he is also often doing something fascinating. He might be star-gazing, admiring yams, or practicing a little-known tradition from an ancient culture. Wilson is great because he embraces wisdom wherever he finds it and he also embraces being himself. And Wilson also knows the importance of choosing his side of the fence. He’s a wonderful embodiment of what I want to focus on today.
On this podcast, we’re talking about owning your side of the fence. Why it’s important to take a stand about what you believe rather than being a fence-sitter. And why boundaries are critical to living a happy and vibrant life.
I’ve noticed that life lessons are often revealed to us in poignant and subtle ways. Sometimes they’re not so subtle, haha. But in the last week or so I truly have felt impressed that this is the message I want to share today. If you’ll indulge me, I’ll take you through some of my recent experiences. (side note: if you take the time to meditate on the recent experiences in your own life, I’m betting there are nuggets of wisdom waiting there too.)
My parents have wanted to replace the fence around their yard for a while now, and this last week they finally did it. I grew up in a great house with a beautiful backyard and lots of good memories. However over the years, the wooden fence had become quite dilapidated. The paint was weathered and peeling off. It needed to be propped up with extra poles. Some of the panels leaned badly, and several gaps appeared. It didn’t match the kind of care and pride that my parents take in their home. So they conferred with the neighbors about what it would take to redo the fence. Last week they removed the old broken-down fence and this week a new shiny one was installed.
When the fence was down, it amazed me how much smaller the yard seemed. When the barrier was down, somehow the space felt like less. And now that the new fence is up the yard feel much bigger and more spacious. Weird, I know.
One thing I’ve learned in my personal development journey and that I am still struggling to master is the importance of boundaries. When we establish healthy boundaries ironically our lives become bigger and more spacious. We are free to embrace our true natures just like Wilson from Home Improvement. And when we have that safety and freedom, we are more able to give back to the world around us.
If we’re lucky our parents and teachers have shown us how to have healthy boundaries. But many of us become too enmeshed in the lives of the people we care about. When they make choices we don’t like or life happens in a way we can’t control it’s painful. But if those boundaries aren’t in place, it’s more painful than it has to be. If we don’t know how to say no to things that don’t serve us, we develop resentments that linger and affect our relationships. We might also expect others to do things for us that cross a line sometimes. We may lack the privacy that allows us to feel safe and fulfill our potential.
Time and energy are limited resources so learning to manage them efficiently is a major key to success. I love Brené Brown, and she said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” Here’s the truth my friends, when you take care of yourself first, you give your best self to those around you. You’re probably familiar with the example from airplane safety rules. Always put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Owning your side of the fence allows you to do that.
Another great quote about boundaries is by Mark Groves. He said, “Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach them where the door is.” Let’s face it, there are always people that will want to take more than you’re willing or able to give. Teaching others what you will and won’t accept doesn’t make you selfish or unreasonable. It does just the opposite. It allows you to have relationships with others that are more meaningful and honest. It does this for your relationship with yourself too.
Okay, so we know boundaries are important. That is half of the message today. The other half is knowing how imperative it is to take a stand about who you are and what you believe. Growing up I often heard the term fence-sitter that refers to someone who tries not to choose a side. The times we live in are poloarizing. I think there is more good now than ever, but there is more evil now than ever too. There isn’t room now for neutral ground. We must be deliberate in where we choose to stand. We must own our side of the fence.
This doesn’t mean we aren’t kind. Kindness is more crucial than ever. And it is absolutely okay to be friends with people who disagree with you. It’s more than okay we MUST be friends with those we disagree with. Society has forgotten that in a big way. There’s a saying attributed to Aristotle but that may be a misquote that says,”It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Whether or not Aristotle said it, the core of that phrase is true. And I would say that it’s the mark of an enlightened heart that loves those who believe and think differently.
I recently attended a stake conference in my church. If you aren’t aware, I’m a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints, and you can learn more about us at churchofjesuschrist.org. And we had some leaders of our church come and speak to us. One of them told us how he was serving in the Philipines and he wanted to build some bridges with the Catholic church there. I guess a large percentage of the population in the Philipines is catholic. So they arranged a meeting with the Arch Bishop in that area. I think it was the Arch Bishop, but if not, It was a dignified leader of the Catholic church. But this particular man didn’t have a high opinion of our church. So when our leaders went to this meeting they got a cold shoulder. They had to wait for quite a while before even being allowed into the meeting.
Anyway, this Catholic Bishop asked what the main differences were between our faith and theirs. And in a moment of inspiration, our leader replied that he would much rather focus on what our similarities are. Both faiths believe strongly in Jesus Christ, that he’s our Savior. Both faiths believe in being kind, and serving others. Both faiths believe in being honest and having integrity etc. I loved this story so much. And by the end of the interview both men were emotional and bridges really were built that day. We need more of this in our world.
There are a lot of times I’ve seen in movies or tv where someone takes a stick and draws a line on the ground. In this moment, I’m thinking of the movie Hook with Robin Williams. But someone draws a line in the ground and members of a group literally choose which side to stand on. Well peeps, you need to decide where you stand.
Morals and values seem to be a free for all these days. A common thing people say is, “This is my truth.” But that’s not how truth works. If something is true it doesn’t change whether people believe it or not. I think society and a lot of this is the media for sure, but society wants you to be a fence sitter. Society doesn’t want you to take a stand that may separate you from popular opinion. Today I want to stress that you can choose your side of the fence, in a kind way, and that if you do, you will be freer and more enabled to make a positive impact on the world.
I saved a Tiktok video of this guy summing this up in a beautiful way. His name is Patrick Bet David. I don’t know much about him, I just randomly saw this clip. But He seems to be doing some good work. Let me play it for you.
We no longer talk about morals and values. One of the, whether you’re a Christian, or a Catholic, or a Jehovah, or Seventh-day, or LDS, whatever it is, the basic foundation of Judaism, the basic foundation of any of these religions is what? Forgiveness, kindness, don’t judge, don’t steal, don’t kill. All of that stuff is the basic foundation of these morals and values. If we don’t teach these basic morals and values, None of us will forgive, none of us will talk about redemption, none of us will believe in that.
Personally, I think it is much better to promote these morals and values, to choose your side of the fence and live your life deliberately and with purpose than to worry about being politically correct. Popular opinions change all the time. But a foundation of correct principles will allow you to truly be free and live a vibrant life.
I don’t think Tim, The Tool Man Taylor, and Wilson agreed on everything. But they respected each other and learned from each other. And they had a healthy boundary to keep things in their proper places.
For the record, I am a proud member of my faith, The Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints. I am a Christian and I do believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and also as a loving friend. I think it is important to be honest in your dealings with others and yourself. I think kindness is a super power that every human on the power has the ability to use. I know that if we work on building healthy boundaries that we will be enabled to live more peacefully with others. We can build doors and gates in our fences that allow us to share the best of ourselves without becoming burnt out or taken advantage of. But it is so important to stand firm on your side of the fence.
I’d like to encourage you to think about the boundaries in your life. Are your internal fences in need of some care? None of us are perfect. That’s okay. But we can be deliberate in how we choose to live our lives. I know if we do these things we will be happier and our lives will be more vibrant.
Thanks for listening my friends. I hope you have a terrific week. Live The Vibrant Life.
