Estimated Reading Time 6 Minutes
Hey You! Welcome to The Vibrant Life Podcast, your source for intentional living and personal growth. This is my 75th episode and It’s unreal to me that I’ve done that many podcasts already, even with some intermittent breaks. This project does wonders for my own personal development and mental health. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. Thanks for listening. I’ve had nothing but positive feedback so far and your support means the world to me. If you haven’t already, please hit the subscribe button and share this podcast with your friends and family. Together, we can continue sharing vibrant messages with the world.
Have you checked out Po~Em’s, my charming little poetry book, yet? It’s pretty great and packed full of ideas straight out of my head and heart. So enter at your own risk, but I doubt you’ll be sorry you picked it up. And don’t forget about The Vibrant Life Goal Planner, your ultimate companion for boosting productivity and achieving your dreams. These two resources are wonderful in different ways and will speed you on the path to your own vibrant life. Both are available on Amazon. Just plug in my name, Emily Romrell and all my stuff will pop up.
In the meantime, grab your favorite beverage, get cozy, and let’s crack on with today’s episode “Choosing An Authentic Yes.” This subject resonates deeply with many of us. In a world inundated with expectations, social pressures, and the tug of others’ desires, finding our voice can be challenging. It’s about embracing individuality, honoring our values, and learning to navigate the balance between meeting expectations and staying true to ourselves. Let’s explore the intricacies of authenticity, unravel people-pleasing, and uncover actionable strategies toward a vibrant life guided by intention and heartfelt choices.
In the quest to understand and conquer people-pleasing, let’s draw wisdom from two of my favorite modern thought leaders who have taught me a lot about authenticity.
I’ve talked about Brené Brown before and there’s a reason she’s so popular. Her insights on vulnerability are quenching the thirst of people stranded in a desert of loneliness and lack of self-love. In her seminal book Daring Greatly, Brown describes vulnerability as a courageous act of showing up authentically. I love the quote, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” This wisdom can be a guiding light for those seeking freedom from the shackles of expectations. And on a side note, those expectations may or may not be true. Sometimes they’re formed in imagination. But if we believe expectations exist then we must decide how to deal with them. Embracing vulnerability includes acknowledging imperfections and insecurities, and bravely stepping into the arena of life.
In everyday life, this manifests as having courage to express feelings and opinions, even when they differ from others. For example, imagine a friend invites you to a party but you’re not interested in attending. Instead of succumbing to the pressure to please your friend and giving an insincere yes, embracing vulnerability would involve sharing your true feelings. You might say something like, “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m feeling a bit drained and want to take some time for myself this weekend.” This honest expression of your needs and boundaries fosters authentic relationships and strengthens your sense of self-worth.
Another success guru that I admire is Simon Sinek. His perspective on values-driven decision-making underscores the impact of aligning choices with deeply held beliefs. When we take the time to clarify our personal values, we create a sense of purpose that guides us through everything. It’s about defining what truly matters to us on a fundamental level, whether it’s integrity, compassion, or creativity. This clarity becomes a powerful anchor, allowing us to filter through life’s myriad choices and make decisions that resonate with our authentic selves.
As Simon Sinek aptly puts it in his book Start with Why, “Values are like a lighthouse in the storm. They don’t prevent the storm, but they give us a reference point to navigate through the storm. When we stay true to our values, we find our way.”
Imagine being with friends, and suddenly the conversation takes an unkind turn, veering into gossip about someone not present. If you have chosen to live values of kindness and empathy, you’ll steer the conversation in a more positive direction. Recognizing the misalignment between the gossip and your standards, you might say something to support the absent individual like, “I respect so and so because he always tries his best even when it’s difficult.” Then change the subject. This simple yet assertive redirection not only upholds your commitment to your principles but also encourages a more positive dialogue with friends.
It takes guts at first to stand up to your friends. But with practice, it becomes nothing at all, and after some time, others will just know what your values are, and they will act accordingly. And best of all, you will be living an authentic yes in your daily life.
Brené Brown’s focus on vulnerability and Simon Sinek’s call for action aligned with values guide us in overcoming people-pleasing and cultivating authenticity. Together, these ideas empower us to live with courage and purpose.
There’s a great talk by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled On Being Genuine from the April 2015 General Conference. He shares a historical anecdote about Catherine the Great of Russia and a governor named Grigory Potemkin.
For part of the journey, Catherine floated down the Dnieper River, Potemkin reportedly put up false exteriors of residences and businesses providing the impression of a thriving economy. He even included busy-looking peasants. As the royal group floated away, Potemkin’s soldiers gathered the portable village and hurried it downriver for Catherine’s approval.
Despite doubt about the truth of this tale among historians, the phrase “Potemkin village” has become commonly used to describe any effort to deceive people into thinking we are better than we are. Elder Uchtdorf draws parallels to the Savior’s condemnation of hypocrites, emphasizing the significance of genuine humility and sincerity.
The core message revolves around the danger of prioritizing outward appearances over genuine, inward discipleship. Elder Uchtdorf encourages a self-reflective examination of our hearts, urging us to avoid the pitfalls of seeking personal gain or influence through deceptive means. His talk serves as a reminder to align our actions with true discipleship rather than portraying a semblance of righteousness for external validation.
In The Book of Mormon, we find two compelling stories of transformation in the lives of a father and son who share the name of Alma. They both had to overcome significant pressures from wicked groups of people before they chose the authentic yes and truth of the gospel.
Alma the Elder served as a priest in the court of a corrupt King named Noah. The societal pressure to conform to wickedness and please those in power was immense. However, Abinadi, a courageous prophet delivered a powerful message about the gospel. Abinadi’s commitment to the truth, even at the cost of his own life, left a lasting impact on Alma the Elder. Alma eventually took a stand against King Noah and the other priests despite the danger, leading to persecution and exile. Alma eventually taught hundreds of people from his community and he became a wonderful force for good. His influence continues to this day.
Later his son, Alma the Younger, had a different but equally powerful journey. Initially seeking the approval of his peers by opposing the Church and persecuting believers, Alma the Younger experienced a divine intervention and a spiritual awakening. He was visited by an angel in response to the loving prayers of his father. Abandoning social validation, Alma the Younger accepted the gospel making a personal commitment to living authentically. His subsequent life as a dedicated disciple and prominent leader further emphasizes the freedom of choosing authenticity and truth over the approval of others.
Both of these stories inspire us to embrace the truth of the gospel despite expectations and find freedom in living a valiant life. And like Abinadi, we might never know the extent of our influence for good on others.
In summary, choosing an authentic yes is about overcoming challenges by being your best self. We can do this by embracing vulnerability and taking values-driven action in everyday situations. We can strive to be humble and avoid deceptive appearances. We can stand up for what we know to be right even when it’s hard. We can live with courage, purpose, and a commitment to authenticity. So that when we say yes, others know we truly mean it, and we will be at peace within as well.
Thanks for spending time with me today. I hope you have a fabulous week. Live the Vibrant Life!
